Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Sheepishly Aclimating To The New Year

Late-Breaking News Flash: Cue maudlin music.  A new year has apparently started. I know what you're thinking. When the hell did this happen?  And thanks a lot for informing us, we who attempt to systematically ignore the devastating effects of passing time, who can with a certain amount of concerted effort convince ourselves that it's still 1976.

Any chance this is nothing more than a mean-spirited rumor?

Afraid not. Time is a cosmic phenomenon, more or less immune to the petty, narcissistic concerns of time-obsessed humanoids.

Oh well. It's not as if last year was anything but a big disappointment. Not as if anything is slated for change this year. According to noted futurist and prolific author Fredrick Crust , we can pretty much expect more of the same, only worse. Last year's intermittent insanity becomes this year's full-blown psychosis.

Religious idiocy (pardon the redundancy) continues to thrive, terrorists continue to terrorize, continuing to believe that indiscriminate murder is their first class ticket to paradise. Yeah, that makes sense. Has to be a joke, right? I mean, how dumb do these people have to be to actually buy into this crap?

Let's see, I have no job skills, my mother consistently withheld love from me, girls refuse to have sex with me, the weather bugs me ... me, me, me ... I might as well just kill a bunch of people, shout something insipid about God and go directly to paradise.

Meanwhile, Al Qaeda is now referred to in the media as a brand. Supposedly, compared with more extremist nut-job groups such as ISIS (Insane State of Iraq & Syria), Al Qaeda is perceived as fairly banal. Mainstream, even. How long before we see Al Qaeda boutiques popping up in various cities, offering jihadist fashion options for non-believing infidels. Why be a terrorist when you can simply look like one?  Call it Martyrdom through Merchandizing.

Back in the land of the free / home of the mostly mindless, the newly elected Republican-led Congress has taken power.  Not only does it already have the lowest approval rating of any Congress is history, it also lays claim to the lowest average I.Q.  And here we've been wondering how stupid people must be to vote Republican. Turns out they were clever enough to elect people even more stupid than themselves.

See, we're not as dumb as everyone thinks.

True, but you do realize that the Republicans won't do anything to improve your miserable existences.

Sure, but at least now we'll know why.  It's called being an informed participant in the democratic process.
 Sadly, no sooner had the New Year commenced than a 2-year-old in a Walmart store (where else would this happen?) pulled a handgun from his mother's purse and shot her in the head. Yet another tragic incident of gun-related violence in America, guaranteed to have absolutely no impact on the prospect of increased gun control.  But at least it provided the N.R.A. with a new angle of spin for their insidious propaganda machine: Guns don't kill people, toddlers kill people.

Welcome to the Year of Sheep and Goats!

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