Thursday, January 22, 2015

State of the Onion

Okay, I admit it.  Along with literally hundreds of other people around the world, I tuned in for the State of the Union yesterday.  Primarily for the opportunity of watching the grim-faced, anally retentive Republicans do their best zombie impersonations as they stared with death ray intensity at President Obama.  Who, let's face it, was talking about all the things they rabidly oppose - progressive government, economic equality, environmental responsibility, intelligence, consciousness, etc.

Not to mention the added bonus of having John Boehner, House Republican zombie leader, lost somewhere in his own private narcissistic fog, sitting directly behind the President. What is up with this guy's face? He either has a serious drinking problem, or a secret tanning bed in his congressional office.  Did anyone else notice the  I'm a total prick and proud of it  name tag he was wearing?  You had to look closely.

As good as Obama's speech was - one especially appreciates the subtly he employs while giving the finger to the right wing rabble - the highlight had to be the 'other party response.'
This is the Republican's chance to drag out one of their so-called rising stars to point out in simplistic jargon why everything the President just said is wrong. This time it was Joni Ernst, former Iowa pig farmer turned Senator, who gave one of the creepiest little political rebuttals in recent history.

Incredibly, the talking heads on CNN pronounced her efforts commendable, well done, compelling, even.
Sure, if you're into scary, smiley-faced robot women. This is the sort of woman who's all  I am here to help you, humans,  until you turn your back and the long titanium claws come out, and the next thing you know you've been lobotomized and suddenly talking like a conservative Republican.

Credit where credit is sue, however. Joni's poignant story of having to wear plastic bread bags over her shoes while walking fifty miles through ungodly wilderness to her one room, Christian fundamentalist school house definitely plucked at more than a few heart strings.  This is a woman (maybe) who, lest we forget, went on to major in animal castration at a highly regarded Iowan community college.  Still, I wonder if these plastic bags were re-used, at least recycled, or simply thrown in the trash? Are Joni's makeshift shoe covers still lying somewhere in an Iowan landfill? Her launching a search to find them would definitely be a savvy public relations move for her next campaign.

Not satisfied with Ms. Ernst's televised triumph, the Republicans also trotted out their big guns, the big three, as it were, a.k.a. the primary Presidential wannabes.  Paul Ryan, Rand Paul and Ted Cruz.

(Hey, If Paul Ryan married Rand Paul, he'd be Paul Paul. Or would Rand Paul be Rand Ryan?)

I swear, these three guys could star in their own horror movie, and they wouldn't need any make up.

The saga of three Republican zombies trolling the red states, feasting on the remnants of liberal flesh.
Whatever you do, don't look at their eyes.  Eyes that say,  I know I'm lying my ass off, but I'm clever enough to get away with it, particularly among my dumbbell constituents.

Ted Cruz' eyes also remind us that  a) you don't have to be particularly smart to go to Harvard  and b) you don't necessarily have to be sane to be a Senator.

Talk about some scary shit!   But then, hey America, you asked for it....

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