Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Black Dog Rising

It has become fairly apparent, depressingly so, one might add, that the innovative, so-called, post-fictive strategy of text-free blogging has been nothing short of an unmitigated disaster. The blank page blog - representing in the reactionary minds of those responsible for this literary travesty unlimited creative potential - has been met with boorish disdain, uncontrollable yawning and numerous death threats.

* Eleven text-free blogs? I can't read this shit, and you will die!

* You digitized doorknobs deserve unexpurgated death!

* Your text-free blog concept is pure dog poop.  We know where you live, fascist word haters.

* It's a clear, external manifestation of my own O.C.D. I will therefore hunt you down, more or less obsessively and compulsively!

Noted non-entity and reductionist literary critic Norman Skotchpole comments:  "In general, the vast majority of the global population, the vast majority of these simpletons and dimwits, are always going to be several light years behind the curve of radical recalcitrance. The reinvention of quasi-obsolete, super-minimalist formats will invariably be viewed as an existential threat, and therefore energetically reviled."

*Pompous douche bag Norman Skotchpole, you will die!  The fact that you don't actually exist won't save you.

A massive man hunt is underway.
Just how massive a man are we talking about?
The alleged third person in the car could hold the key.
Unfortunately, they've all gone dark.
There is apparently a new app that guarantees invisibility.
Sounds pricey.

Dear Infidel,

One of our fanatical tech analysts has discovered on your text-free blank blog the very faint, yet clearly mocking, shadow image of our revered prophet. And while it is true that he was threatened with being beheaded and then set on fire if he didn't find it, we are now, with God's help, committed to killing you. 
P.S.  But not to over-worry. There are currently 867,000,000 infidels ahead of you on our death list.

Sort of a dilemma. Should I buy the invisibility app right away, or take the chance that the cost will drop if I wait?

Consider that your entire life is encrypted, which only means that all the people in your life don't give enough of a shit to notice you.

Update to my page:  Penny Pendelton finally agreed to go out with me. Things were going great. We texted each other like crazy during dinner, Penny even hinting that she might be inclined to lift her encryption protocols. As you can imagine, by the time we got back to her place, I was ready for an extensive download. That's when things went sour. I had barely gotten to her first data base when she shut things down. She went dark and I turned blue. Making matters worse, I've just learned that Penny slipped me something called a Trojan Werewolf Virus. So now I'm alone, again, and also seriously dreading the next full moon.

Reminds me of that book,  How Dating Is A Lot Like Walking Blindfolded Through A Minefield In A Saudi Arabian Sandstorm.

*After reading your first fucking blog in like what, four months, I urge you to rethink your priorities and return to the text-free blog style as soon as possible. Yes, it's dumb as shit, but anything is better than this garbage.


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